Doing the things that holds you back

If we’re honest, we all know that one thing that if we were to do it we could start to build things differently in our lives, whether it’s that we could go across the room and talk to a stranger or that we could make that sales call, or speak to that person at that networking event, or attend networking events.

A lot of us have uncomfortable feelings around those situations but we know that if we could master those situations, if we could think about how great our lives would be, and list out all the positive things how great our lives would be if we were to do that one thing.

Then list out all the negative things if we were never able to do that, what it would mean to our lives.

For instance, on the positive list, list all the great things, let’s say my problem was I didn’t want to go and approach strangers at a networking event.

Now, I could list out all the positives to going and talking to strangers at a networking event and what that could possibly mean to my life:

I could grow a bigger business

I’d be able to give the family a more secure future

I’d be able to do things for the children, take them on holiday

Put them in the School I want, the education system that I wanted to put them in…

Anything, anything that really, really gets you inspired even if its things like you’d be able to:

Buy a sports car

I’d be able to go round the World

I’d be able to go on fantastic holidays

Whatever it is, list all the positives that would exist in your life if you could do that one thing, if you got over that one thing.

Then list the negatives to your life if you never get over that one thing for example:

I’d never feel I’d reached my true potential in life

I won’t be able to give the kids the best I could possibly give them.

You see if you can come up with enough emotional blackmail on yourself, either the negatives of not doing it or the positives of doing it, and if you can come up with what you need that becomes more important than that feeling of going across the room and talking to somebody, if you can put more worth on what that would mean to your life and got over the “failure”, which is really the potential of an unplanned outcome, then you will cross that line, and you will expand your Comfort Zone.

It’s not about getting outside your Comfort Zone, it’s about expanding your Comfort Zone, taking those steps to expand your Comfort Zone and make it bigger.

So, get that emotional blackmail listed out and if you sit down, spend a few minutes reading the list of all the positive things if you actually did this, see how that makes you feel, does that inspire you?

If not, find some others, take a ten minute break, then make a list of all the negatives things that would happen in your life if you never mastered this, if you never did this such as:

I won’t realise my full potential

I won’t be able to do the best for my family

All those sorts of things list those down; read that list, does that inspire you more?

If one of the lists inspires you more than the other then throw the one that doesn’t inspire you as much away and focus on the one that really inspires you.

Think about that list that inspires you, think about it, and when you think about that and you’re motivated towards that, imagine yourself going across that room and speaking to that person, or whatever your one thing is and imagine that you are doing it with enthusiasm.

We have to imagine things in our minds whether we realise it or not before we do them.

It has to exist in the mind before it exists in your reality.

If you show your mind nervousness and hesitation, it won’t want to take your body there.

So, see these things going as best as they could.

Do the above exercise every day as often as you can think about that one thing whatever it is for you that would move you to the next level.

See yourself doing it with enthusiasm and expectation of a good outcome!

If you feel yourself held back from doing things you say you “Can’t” then download the free ebook on changing how you feel about things you say you can’t do you can download your copy here

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

One of our biggest ongoing challenges is to keep feeling that Comfort Zone and continue to push it outwards and be ever expanding.

Here is something to try, even if you’ve experienced this before try it again now.

-Fold your arms.
-Look down very carefully noticing how you have done it, what hand goes where?
-Is the left hand on top or bottom, where is the right hand?

Now, fold your arms the opposite way, be very careful that you have actually done it the complete opposite way, it’s all too easy to spin the arms a few times and fall back into the usual old way – the comfortable way.

If you have done this totally opposite to how you normally do it then more than likely it feels really awkward, and does not feel right at all.

The reason is you are not familiar with this pattern of folding your arms, if you did this for a few days it would feel comfortable and natural, but because it is not something you usually do, it feels awkward until your brain detects the pattern and you get use to it.

Once we get use to things they become natural to us and don’t have that awkward feeling about them.

This “awkward” feeling is a signal to “be aware” that this is something different, something we are not use to. It does not have to be a signal to “beware” and retreat.

You see the most basic activities in life have patterns we become familiar with and even simple things in an unfamiliar way generate an awkward feeling.

Here is another one, when getting dressed next, put the other foot to the usual one in your trousers or underwear first, you will probably fall over! You see we are all over the place when something is not natural to us, when we are not an expert at something, even something simple.

Does that mean you can never do it? Of course not. It means by paying attention, and practise you can develop a new pattern that those areas of life that were once uncomfortable can become natural.

After all how does an expert become an expert – by doing something lots of times and continual improvement, doing more of what works and less of what does not work.

You don’t need to have a lot of limiting beliefs to hold you back, quite simply not being use to doing something can cause emotional feedback, it’s feedback not a stop sign!

So relax, pay attention and push forward!

Mark Rhodes

Finding the Belief that holds you back

There are a number of ideas for playing around with Beliefs in the free ebook available from this website, sometimes though we don’t know what the Belief is that is holding us back…….

Now, another way to look at Beliefs is to look at an area of life where we are not taking the actions we would like to take, or feeling the way we’d like to feel in certain situations, and check in with ourselves and see what Belief might be holding us back.

For example, let’s say I didn’t like talking to Strangers, but I don’t know what the exact belief is holding me back. What I can do to find out the belief that is likely to be holding me back is to ask myself this question:

In order to feel like this or act like this in this situation what must I believe about myself, about others and the world in general?

You’ll be surprised how new ideas and thoughts can spring to mind when you ask better questions of yourself……too often we say “Why can’t I do this?” and answer ourselves in a way that is not very helpful….

So apply this method to anything you want to work on, or what would be even better is to notice over the next little while any bad emotions you get or feelings, or anything you hold back from doing and simply say to yourself:

“In order to feel like this or act like this in this situation what must I believe about myself, about others and the world in general?”

One of the things I’d really like you to do is become more aware of when fears come up or negative emotions, perhaps it’s even when you get annoyed if something is not going your way. Notice these times and ask yourself the above question.

Often we are all too familiar with our day to day emotions that although we feel them, we just accept them, they have always been there. If we take time to notice them and pay attention to them, and ask ourselves the above question, then we become more aware of how we work. Once you know how something works it is so much easier to improve it.

Mark Rhodes

Is living in your comfort zone really working for you?

We often find ourselves saying we feel comfortable about a situation or something in our lives, and sometimes we feel uncomfortable. The difference of course is the things that are inside or outside our comfort zone.

It’s not about getting outside your comfort zone it’s about expanding it.

Some people say that they are happiest inside their comfort zone and therefore design their life and ambitions to not cause them to need to expand or get outside their comfort zones.

This is fine unless of course you hit a problem when you ask yourself this simple question:

“Is living inside my comfort zone giving me the results, the passion, the fun and the excitement I REALLY desire in life?”

If not you need to accept that for things to change, you need to change and part of that could well involve expanding your comfort zone. It’s natural, we all have comfort zones, they are just at different places. If you are not pushing your comfort zone you are not growing as a human being.

Think about what small thing could you do differently this week to what you would normally do, something that will just push your comfort zone a little, where you don’t risk a lot but look back with pride and say “I wouldn’t have done that before”

Perhaps its as simple as making a call when usually you’d send an email “because if felt easier”, maybe it is saying “Good Morning” to someone you pass in a store or see at a bus stop.

The outcome of any of these type of things doesn’t really matter, regardles of outcome you have made progress and expanded your comfort zone by doing something you wouldn’t normally do.

I usually expand my comfort zone by thinking how great it will be when the thing in question is done or over, or I give myself some reward, no matter how small, if I do that thing that feels uncomfortable.

Play with it, and have fun. When you feel that comfort zone feeling come in, get curious, ask yourself “What must I believe about me, the situation or others in order to feel like this?”

Then apply the questions and tasks in the free ebook available on the website.

Speaking at a Secondary School

Really looking forward to tomorrow, I have been asked to speak to a group of 270 pupils (17 year Old’s) at a Secondary School in London, about Limiting Beliefs and how we can achieve what we want in life if we apply ourselves correctly.

I really wished I’d got exposed to this sort of information when I was at school. I wonder if times have changed because I am getting asked to speak in schools more and more, or was it that my school was one of the few that didn’t do this all those years ago?

Based on feedback from my audiences over the years saying “I wished we had got this 30 years ago at School”, I suspect most schools didn’t cover any aspects of mindset and personal development when I was younger.

Feel free to share your experiences.

Thank You

Mark Rhodes.

Free Online Success Seminar is a huge Success!

Wow, that’s all I can say. I ran my first ever online seminar on Thursday 10th September. Technology is amazing I was able to spend one hour presenting live to hundreds around the world in 20 countries.

Thank you to all those that attended, details of the next one about recession success further down but first here are just a few of the comments that came in within hours of the seminar finishing:

“I really enjoyed your seminar. Thanks for inviting me, and thanks for offering it. We all need to know and remember it. You are a living proof that your methods work. It was value from start to finish.

It is phenomenal technology that I could sit in my home in South Africa in a very small village far away from everything, where it is unsafe to go out at night, and I could hear you clearly from the UK! Now we need some Webinar concerts!” R.S.

“Thanks for your inspiring and insightful talk on Thursday. I enjoyed it very much.” E.

“Mark is a kind, friendly, down to earth, highly trusthworthy person.
I listened to your seminar and I found it superb. All those treated concepts were known to me and with your explanations, I truly apprehended them. I enjoyed it heartily. I look forward for the next webseminar.” M.C.

“I only managed to catch the last 15 minutes of the Webinar. I was very upset that I missed most of it, but the little I saw had me totally glued to my screen.” P.H.

“I would like to thank you for a very thought provoking seminar last night. The thing that hit me the most was, whenever I want to do something I see it done, and then do it. But, other times it does not work and only when you said “willpower” did it make sense to me. The times I did not get whatever right was when I was doing it with willpower and forgetting the visualization.” S.D.

“Simply Brilliant – Thanks for your valuable insight and guidance during the last hour.

I’m smiling and laughing as I type this – can I do it? I have requested your free eBook to overcome the icant virus! – look forward to reading and applying it. “L.B.

“Just wanted to congratulate you on a brilliant webinar.” G.T.

This was a FREE seminar with huge value relating to building a success mindset and being more successful.

I discussed how change occurs and why so often people give up too easily and went on to explain how we should think about the change process and our attempts at change in order to stay with it and make the change.

We also looked at Values, what are our life values, how can we discover and understand them.

There is another free seminar coming up on Thursday 1st October – this time the subject is the mindset needed for “Success in a Recession” how we can maximize our success in current times and avoid the mistakes most people are making right now.

This topic is my most requested topic by companies and networking organisations when I speak at their events.

Booking for this next FREE online seminar opens on Tuesday 15th September so check back at the site then, it will be centre stage of the home page of this site.

Mark Rhodes.

What will people think of me?

“Limiting Beliefs” are beliefs we have about ourselves, other people or the world in general that dictate how we approach things.

For most of us in addition to our Limiting Beliefs we also have one of them that dominates our thoughts, not usually in the form of the belief but more in the form of what the belief means to our lifes.

You need to uncover your dominant thought, you’ll probably realise it before the end of this article, or you’ll notice it in the next day or two.

It’s the thought that occurs most of the time, most often in the form of a question we keep asking ourselves over and over, trying to get an answer or some internal assurance that everything will be OK.

If you’ve not yet realised what yours is, here are some of the ones my clients have shared with me over the years:

When will I have enough money?
How am I going to meet all the bills this month?
What will they think?
What will people think of me?
Am I going to be ok?
What else is going to go wrong?

and so many others.

What we need to understand firstly is what is our dominant thought? Once we know that we need to ask ourselves what the Belief is behind that, quite simply by asking ourselves:

“What must I believe in order to keep thinking this?”

Ideas will come up and one will feel more true than the others.

For example a client who recently had the dominant thought of “What will people think of me?” realised they must believe they are not good enough. This in turn obviously leads us to the realisation that it’s not really about what other people think, but this statement comes to mind because we ourselves are afraid we might not be good enough.

Once you get to what you believe or “must believe” in order to have that thought you need to realise firstly it is not reality it is just a belief or way of thinking.

The next step is to start to breakdown this belief and that can be done in many ways two of which are:

(1) Make a list of all the reasons why this belief is not true, write down all the arguments, reasons and evidence in your life that actually disprove the belief.  So often our beliefs are generalised statements that get out of hand over time and affect what we notice in the world.
(2) Another way is to use the “I can’t Virus” questions from the free eBook available on this site here

Once we have started to break down the belief come up with a new dominating thought that aknowledges the old one but is an empowering thought that you can start to think of instead, one that points you in the right direction.

You need the persistance and discipline that everytime you notice the old thought coming up you say the new one 5 times or more.

Mark Rhodes

Why no Confidence?

At the end of a recent event a few people asked me why I didn’t mention confidence as a specific subject. Actually we did because we covered Beliefs in great detail, let me explain…

So, what is confidence?

It’s basically how certain we feel about something, be that ourselves in a given situation or an outcome etc.

At the end of the day confidence is a word to describe how we feel about something which comes from whether we have overall limiting beliefs about ourselves or the activity in question, or if we have overall empowering beliefs.

Remove limiting beliefs, build up empowering beliefs, and what do you have? Confidence.

Our “confidence” also forms our Comfort Zone which is also defined by the limiting beliefs we have, our empowering beliefs and our Values.

If you’ve not attended an event or been part of a coaching program with me then a great place to find out more about getting more understanding on Limiting Beliefs and Confidence is in the Free eBook you can download from this website .

Mark Rhodes